Papa and Beer

This weekend, Ingrid, Darren and I headed out to Mexico for an extension of our birthday celebration. It had been a long-standing plan of ours to go enjoy lobsters in Puerto Nuevo for my birthday, and we allowed Darren to third-wheel-it-up given that he had never been to Mexico before. What we didn't know when we initially made the plan was that our trip to Mexico would coincide with Spring Break, and I'm sure you all know what that means!



As we headed down to Mexico, Ingrid learned something about Darren that I've know for quite a long time... he's a pervert. I think she began realizing this when he saw these buildings and immediately thought of boobies.



After a couple of hours, we finally reached the Mexico border where we encountered some light traffic.



Immediately upon entering Mexico we spotted the vendors selling goods to the U.S.-bound drivers. Darren and I made a mental note to pick up some panchos as souveniers.



As we drove through Tijuana, we coudn't help but notice the signs pointing us to Papas and Beer. Clear foreshadowing of things to come...



We also couldn't help but notice how run-down much of Tijuana is.



We hit monster traffic on the way and were bumper-to-bumper with the crowd of Spring Breakers heading to Rosarito to party. Luckily for us, the traffic allowed us to catch a glimpse of the sun setting over the ocean.



As I mentioned, it was during this trip that Ingrid learned of Darren's dirty mind. I'm sure nothing really comes to mind when you look at the picture above, but as we were waiting in this line to pay a toll, out of the blue Darren says, "Hey guys. Without that "J" on the cab, it looks like 'TITS'." Unbelievably perverted, but so typically Darren.



When we finally arrived in Rosarito, the sidewalks were packed with massess of people. Some were obviously 18 year-olds who came to Mexico where they're of legal drinking age.



Signs were calling us from every direction and we were quickly reminded that Cuban cigars aren't illegal in Mexico. I made another mental note.



Again, signs just kept calling us... or shall I say, kept calling Darren. I wonder if the producers of The Sopranos know that there's a Bada Bing! just across the border.



Ingrid was kind enough to drive us all the way there and noted the amazing view to our rear. Objects in mirror are as awesome as they appear.



The drive certainly built up our appetite, which was a good thing because there was a lot of eating to do. Although they never told me, I'm sure Darren and Ingrid were thankful that I regulated our consumption along the way ("Only one bite of the sandwich, Ingrid! You too, Darren!"). We finally arrived at Puerto Nuevo after sunset with our appetites raging.



On the way to the eateries, we spotted these cool wrestling masks and immediately thought of our friend Steele, who currently resides in Japan, far far away from Mexican professional wrestlers.



We spent a lot of time trying to decide where to eat. There were so many lobster restaurants around, and we had no way of knowing which one was best. One restaurant, Puerto Nuevo I, stood out from the crowd because it had a huge line outside. Like lemmings, we mindlessly tried to join at the end of the line, but were turned away. It was closed, which was probably a blessing in disguise because we might have starved to death if we had to wait in that line. In the end, we opted for the next best alternative... Puerto Nuevo II, of course. And man, were we glad that we stopped there. I should make this picture into a Puerto Nuevo II shirt...



We ordered two lobsters, an extra-large one and a mutant-sized one. Ingrid and I shared the mutant-sized lobster and Darren enjoyed the extra-large one all to himself. It's difficult to tell from the picture above, but the lobster Ingrid and I shared was enormous.



This picture was probably taken only 5 minutes after the one before. I say that because we simply devoured our meals... Those poor lobsters never had a chance. It was so amazingly delicious, it honestly made the entire trip worthwhile. I mean, we could have gone home at this point and still called the trip a complete success.



Even the mango margaritas were scrumptious.



As we left, I thanked the Puerto Nuevo II Turtle for feeding us such wonderful food. I felt like I gained twenty pounds. It was definitely time to walk the streets of Rosarito to find a place to stay and burn off some of our meal. This, however, proved to be easier said than done. We went to so many places but all were booked to capacity. We finally lucked out and a hotel concierge referred us to a place off of the main street that still had vacancies... and charged us $20 for the info. Ugh.



So get this... After checking in, Ingrid was still suffering from a food coma and wanted to rest. She proposed that Darren and I go out by ourselves and even hinted that we might just as well stay in. Please understand that it was only 11:00 and Darren, reminded of the famous Saturday Night Live skit said, "Okay, Debbie Downer..." And at that very moment, the most appropriate nickname for Ingrid was born. For those of you who don't know, the SNL skit involves a lady, Debbie Downer, who puts a damper on every conversation that she's a part of by talking about something somewhat off-topic and invariably sad and dreary. The best part is that after each instance of Debbie Downer "downer-ing" a conversation, she turns to the camera and makes the face in the picture above. As she stares into the camera there's a "whaaaaa whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" sound effect that I've heard people describe as a "drunken trombone sound." The theme song for the SNL skit actually summarizes the entire thing quite well:

You're enjoying your day
Everything's going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer.
Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease,
A car accident or killer bees.
You'll beg her to spare you, Debbie PLEASE!
But you can't stop Debbie Downer!
(Whaaaaaa whaaaaaaaaaaa!)

So on that fateful night, Ingrid was dubbed "Debbie Downer" and true to her name, she "downer-ed", as she so often does, many conversations during our trip. Here's yet another example:

At some point during the trip, I was reminded of an E-mail joke that I recently received from a partner at my firm. It was basically a picture of a topless woman with huge breasts. Her nipples had just been dipped into two different cups of beer and the caption for the picture read, "Can you tell which beer is cold?" Of course, one of the woman's nipples was hard and the other wasn't, and that was the joke... pretty funny, right? Well, after relaying the joke to Ingrid and Darren, Darren says, "Good one!" and we both start laughing. Then, out of left field, good ol' Debbie Downer chimes in and says, "That's so unfair. You guys share some special connection and exclude all us women from participating and being part of the club. This is why the corporate world is so sexually skewed."

WHAAAAA WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!

And so what was intended to be a simple joke, was somehow turned into a discussion about the glass ceiling thanks to Debbie Downer.

If you care to see a sample skit to see Debbie Downer in action, click here (you need Quicktime).



Finally, after putting a damper on our conversations, Debbie Downer re-energized and we headed out for a night on the town. We took a cab with no meter from the hotel to downtown Rosarito, which cost $5. As we walked the streets trying to decide where to go, we ran into this group of silver people which was the final sign that literally pointed us to Papas and Beer right down the street. The males of this species of silver people had balloons attached to their skulls. My guess is that Papas and Beer must have only been able to find ugly guys and came up with this idea to conceal thier faces... ingenious!



The line for Papas and Beer was long and even the outside of the club was crowded.



With Darren and I being such good company, even Debbie Downer had no qualms about waiting in line. She also had no issue with waiting in the cold because she dressed up for the occasion and wore her sweatshirt. Only in Mexico would she dare...



The line moved pretty fast and once we got inside we found out why. There were so many people in there going crazy. They just kept letting more and more people in until there was literally a sea of people all dancing and partying. Click here to see what I'm talking about. It was insane.




Ingrid asked for the house special, the "Orgasm," but Darren brought us all margaritas. How typical of Darren not to give girls what they want. And how typical of Debbie Downer not to be happy with her drink and to quickly declare, "I hate tequila..." Whaaaa whaaaaaaaaaaa!



Orgasm or margarita... didn't matter to us.



There were fire pits all over the place which kept us warm.



Ingrid and I also kept warm with some serious groovin'.



It became evident that dancing, together with Ingrid's sweatshirt just wasn't enough, and we huddled around the fire for warmth.



As we camped by the fire for a moment, Darren's perverted nature once again surfaced as he turned the Dos Equis Lager into Tres Equis Lager. Who thinks like this?!?



Since Darren was third-wheelin', I allowed him to dance with Ingrid for a moment... but only for a moment. Okay Darren, that's all...



As you can tell by his face, the guy in this picture was obliterated. He just stood there with his eyes closed, double-fisting, swaying back and forth for so long while we pointed and laughed... and snapped this shot.



So check this out. Upon regaining "consciousness," the drunk guy walks over to the oldest lady in the club, who must be at least 45 years old. As he approaches her from behind, he reaches over to touch her back, then, after a few seconds of deliberation, decides against it. Shortly thereafter, he reaches up his hand and considers touching her hair, but again chooses not to. The guy's so drunk and transparent with his thoughts that you can almost "see" what he's contemplating as it happens. It's hilarious. Meanwhile, the lady's completely oblivious to what's going on behind her. At one point (seen above), the lady's bent over near the fire and the guy raises up his hand clearly thinking about smacking her ass, but rather than let him change his mind this time, I encourage him and yell out "GO FOR IT!! DO IT!!" He slowly gazes up at me and this huge grin forms on his face as he brings his hand down with full force... SMACK! It was a good thing he smacked an older lady who was just happy to get some attention from a young guy. Classic.



A little more dancing was in order before it was time to call it a night. We had seen so many things from fireworks to naked girls to half-naked girls to girls showing their asses to guys having "seizures" on the dance floor...



Unlike many other party-goers, we maintained our composure and had a spectacular time. We finally left the club a little past 3:00 in the morning.



After the club we decided to get something to eat. Luckily, in Rosarito, there are tons of taco stands open 'til late. Ingrid zipped up and we headed out. Debbie Downer's sooo cute in this picture!



We took another meterless cab from the club to some random taco joint. Again, the fare was $5 despite it being the midpoint between the club and the hotel. It was starting to make sense... why have meters when you can just charge $5 for any distance? Bastards! We ate a few tacos but were still hungry and contemplated waiting in line to get some more. For some irrational reason, Debbie Downer was under the impression that despite there being a long line of people waiting to place their order, since we had already waited in line before, we could simply step ahead of everybody and jump to the front of the line. I know, I know... makes no sense at all, but in her mind, she was certain it was not only fair, but something nobody in line would object to. As Darren and I expected, when she tried it, she got rejected. To this day, she still doesn't understand why we couldn't just jump the line. Ingrid accepted defeat, as did we, and we took a cab back to the hotel, which of course, cost us $5.

I later pointed out to Ingrid that to jump the line simply because we previously ordered food would be like going through a crowded drive-thru then eating your meal as you drive away, only to back up to the window ahead of everybody waiting in line and order again... Ingrid is crazy.



The following day, we decided to head back to Puerto Nuevo for more lobsters. Despite being extremely hungry, Ingrid made us stop by several furniture stores we saw on the way there. Whaaaa whaaaaaaaa! Darren felt like royalty in this super-huge bed.



On the way there, I spotted this strange structure that has a facade of a naked woman. I've got a feeling that the designer of this building and Darren would really get along...



Upon arriving in Puerto Nuevo, we immediately headed to Puerto Nuevo I, the place we were turned away from the night before. When we got there, we regretted stopping by the furniture stores because this put us in Puerto Nuevo at just about noon and the line was even longer than the night before. The funny thing is that when we first got into line, Ingrid said we should wait 15 minutes to see how far we move and then re-evaluate our situation because we could always eat at Puerto Nuevo II, which was fantastic and had no line, but where were we after 15 minutes? That's right -- the exact same place. Of course I guess Ingrid meant that if the line moved backwards, we should eat somewhere else...

I don't know what's going on with Darren's teeth in this picture, but he looks like a saber-toothed tiger. I guess his teeth protrude when he's really hungry. GET AWAY FROM MY GIRL!



It took us just under 2 hours to get to the front of the line. Darren was quick to point out that he has never waited that long to eat before. I concurred. FYI, this was the first smile we saw out of Debbie Downer in the preceding hour of waiting in line.



Given that there's ultimately only one thing on the menu, we figured that once we got inside we'd be fed immediately. Instead, the waiting continued.



But finally, after over two hours of waiting, the food arrived at our table. Ingrid's empty stomach made her slightly insane, as you can see by her face, but we were all glad we waited. The lobsters were better than those at Puerto Nuevo II, although we weren't exactly convinced it was a two-hour wait improvement over Puerto Nuevo II. We were happy to experience what all the fuss was about. And plus, if we hadn't waited, I'm sure we never would have heard the end of it from Debbie Downer who undoubtedly would have proclaimed that by not waiting in line, "we missed out on the BEST LOBSTERS IN THE WORLD!"



With our stomachs once again filled to capacity, we headed back to LA. Of course, we couldn't resist stopping by TJ... or at least driving through it to give Darren a taste of life across the border.



The streets of TJ were much tidier than I remembered, but I suppose that's not really saying much.



After a quick cruise through Tijuana, it was time to head back home. We noticed this sign as we headed to the border and agreed that rather than having this sign on the way out of Mexico, the ad should be prominently displayed on the way in to Mexico, because evidently, everything in Mexico will cost you $5.



This traffic didn't help our spirits as we began our three and a half hour drive back home.



And neither did this militant border inspector who seemed to take forever with each crossing vehicle. I snapped this picture from the back seat as Darren took us across, just after the following happened:

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I had the intention of purchasing a pancho in Mexico to bring back as a memento of our trip. While we waited in traffic, I perused the various panchos that the vendors were selling along the side of the road. One pancho in particular caught my eye and I got super-excited about finding one I liked. I enthusiastically mentioned to Ingrid, "Hey! I'm gonna' get that grey pancho with the horses on it!" Ingrid, or shall I say, Debbie Downer responded in the most condescending voice (kind of like the one the snotty rich kids in school would use when they were putting the poor kids down), "Why would you want a pancho with horses on it?!!!"

WHAAAA WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!