Bachelor Party Debauchery

Just one week before I was to get married, my buddies held a bachelor party for me (that I planned myself). And what better place to hold such a party than in Vegas! And what better thing to do on a bachelor party than drink!



A few of us met up at my folks' house before we caught the party plane to the airport. Lil Kev brought over a special bottle of Hennessy Pure White for us to enjoy as we geared up for the big weekend. Let the drinking begin!!!



My mom looks so concerned here... and rightfully so given that nine of us were heading to Sin City with no one but ourselves to keep us in check. Nevertheless, she drove us to the airport to meet the others who were taking the "party plane" to Vegas.



When we arrived at the gate, we caught earlybird Glady there catching a drink at the airport bar. We had no idea at the time, but it was a clear sign of what was to come...



Here's another clear sign of what was to come, except rather than man v. man, it will be man v. machine. By the end of this post, it will all become clear... trust me.



Did I say "party plane"?... I should've said "dummy plane" because that's what my friends are... dummies. We all board the plane early enough to sit together, but rather than filling the entire row, my friends take either a window or aisle seat, leaving the middle seat empty. Knowing it's a full flight, I tell them they should fill the entire row rather than have a stranger sit between them, but did they listen? Well let me just answer that by directing your attention to the picture above and telling you that none of my friends have more grey hair than non-grey hair.



Apparently, we weren't the only ones with plans to party in Vegas that weekend. We waited in this taxi line for about an hour before finally catching a cab to our hotel. Yikes.



After checking in at the hotel, we turned to the first order of business which was, of course, to obtain alcohol. And coincidentally, Darren's entire family had driven to Vegas that weekend for Tracer's basketball tournament. His parents graciously transported our alcohol supply 300 miles and delivered it to our hotel. What wonderful parents!



Darren's other sister, Mandi, didn't approve of us drinking or gambling, but was happy to be there in Vegas.



You're looking at our alcohol supply for the weekend. That's right. All this was to be consumed over the next couple of days. And this, of course, didn't include the copious amounts we consumed at bars, clubs, tables, etc. It was a daunting task, but we were up for the challenge... or at least some of us were.



With the first order of business out of the way, we turned to the next order of business, which was apparently to humiliate the bachelor. My friends had been referring to this trip as the weekend I say farewell to my "little guys" and made me this wonderful T-shirt to comemmorate the event.



And if the embarassing picture of my nuts getting chopped off were not enough, the back of the T-shirt had a checklist with a few tasks I was to complete over the weekend. Absolutely hilarious.



You know, I always thought that embarassing the person who is about to be married was something that happened solely at bachelorette parties, but the boys brought the embarassment in full force with this silver chain they created for me comprised of two parts -- A shiny metallic spinner that said G-Unit (inside joke, long story)...



... and a foam pair of testicles. It was hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing. I have no idea where my friends got this crap, but for the record, I made adequate disclosures beforehand that whatever humiliation they brought down on me would only be multiplied for them at their bachelor parties.



And with that, we headed out to take care of Frosty's number one reason for going to Vegas.



That's right... All you can eat buffets. Frosty's so gross, I mean engrossed, in his meal that he wouldn't stop eating for even a moment to take a group picture. We had our server take three pictures, and they all looked like this. And as you can see, I donned my T-shirt and chain with pride.



After dinner, we went back to the room to get some alcohol in our systems before hitting the casino floor. I always say that if you're gonna lose money, you might as well be drunk. Okay, maybe I don't always say that, but I'm going to start saying that. The same rationale applies to winning money too, I suppose, but that never seems to happen... except for that one time a couple years ago I won a $1000 bet and then Darren and I immediately got kicked off the table for being drunk and celebrating a bit too boisterously. Let's just say people probably thought I won the lottery or something.



Now for the star of the weekend. Please take a close look at Glady here -- pre-alcohol and pre-Dirty D -- and remember how normal this guy looks, because after some drinking and a night out with Dirty D, we were visited by his alter ego: The Gladburglar. More on that later. But first, for those who don't know, I've been friends with Darren for almost my entire life. I've partied with him. I've lived with him. Shit, I've even shared a bed with the guy. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that Dirty D can party for much longer and sleep much less than the average human. Unfortunately for Glady, no one warned him about this, and after partying until the early morning with Dirty D...



... he looked like this. This is a picture taken in the morning after both Darren and Glady barged into the room and woke us all up. They had spent the entire night out while the rest of us slept. Darren told us that Glady pleaded with him before entering the room to quietly enter and go to sleep. Needless to say, that request fell on deaf ears, or rather one deaf ear and one deaf elf ear.



Yeah, geeza. Good job. And we can totally see your missing tooth (and your elf ear).



As we all got ready to begin our day, Glady was busy ending his. And at some point, somebody (who will remain unnamed) dropped an almond on Glady's nose.



Shortly thereafter, another person dropped two more nuts on Glady's head. Bachelor parties can be dirty events indeed...



And the shenanigans didn't stop there. Next, somebody dropped some beef jerky on Glady's cheek.



Followed by some chex mix on his hands and chest, together with some dessicant to keep things fresh because it could be a long, long time before this guy wakes up.



While Glady recuperated, we did the opposite and reinitiated the drinking.



Before we got too hammered, though, we grabbed a bite to eat at Raffles Cafe downstairs.



When you see bloody marys on the table, you know people are doing their best to recover from their hangovers.



Pernie and Pandy shared their food with each other, as well as few loving glances before we all headed back out on the casino floor for some gambling. Awww, how sweet.



When the sun set it came time to set our plan for the evening in motion. Of course, the first, second, fourth, sixth, ninth and eleventh steps in our plan were to drink.



We had a long evening ahead of us, and Lil Kev got some extra rest and grew some balls for the night.



By that time, Glady had made somewhat of a recovery and was ready to rejoin the party, which was going quite strong.



The first place I wanted to go was to Red Square. The place is known for having an amazing selection of vodkas, and I wanted to get to know some of them. Out front, a headless statue of Stalin was there to greet us.



Once inside, we got down to business and sampled some tall shots of vodka.



After a couple of drinks, we ran into this waitress who told us about Red Square's ice bar, which was exactly that... a frozen bar. The deal was that if we purchased a bottle of vodka, we could enjoy it in the ice bar, and so we quickly took her up on the offer.



Of course, no visit to the ice bar would be complete without sporting the proper attire. It's freezing in there, I tell you! It felt like we were in Siberia.



Some of the best pictures of the weekend were taken in the ice bar. It was one of my fondest memories of the weekend. I love seeing everyone having a good time.



Moskovskaya was our vodka of choice, and I clearly couldn't wait to have a taste. Drink, drink, drink!



As we all stood in anticipation of getting our drink we noticed that Stalin's head from the statue outside Red Square was stored underneath the bar there.



Complete with bird droppings and all...



As the server passed out the shots, I posed for the camera in my awesome white fur coat.



And Glady did his best pose of Stalin. He even matched his shirt with his hat.



Once the drinks were distributed, we all raised our glasses to say, "Farewell to Kevin's Little Guys!"



Feeling like a king at that point, I decided to finish my drink in the throne...



... and watch my other little guys enjoying themselves.



At one point, a girl on her bachelorette party crashed the ice bar to take a picture with us fine looking men. I love this picture because it totally looks like I'm rubbing her boob.



As is the case whenever we talk to girls, Hutch froze up with that surprised look on his face.



It's difficult to see in this picture, but it was minus 5 degrees Centigrade in there. Maybe not quite as cold as Siberia, but cold enough.



Here's me and the best man (my brother), who planned absolutely none of this, but obviously enjoyed all of it.



"Hey, Glady, I put my nuts on your head this morning, remember?!? Hahahaa!"



Time for another group shot! Woo hoo!



Frosty made it abundantly clear that when a person has layers upon layers of "natural" insulation, a fur coat becomes obsolete. If I didn't know better, I'd think this shot was taken in Frosty's living room. We don't call him Frosty the Snowman for nothing.



Darren and I, however, needed our coats. And I needed another drink.



Even minutes after the bachelorette left, Hutch was still reeling from their fleeting encounter. Immediately after this picture was taken, his head spun around two or three times and smoke started shooting out of his ears.



With the alcohol flowing, everyone's inhibitions were down, and Pandy and Pernie embraced one another...



... and then apparently played a round of "Guess what I put in your hand," which Pandy easily won due to his familiarity with the object Pernie selected.



I have no idea how long we were actually in the ice bar, but it was clearly longer than the lady wanted us there for. I think she thought we'd go in, look around, drink our vodka and go, but as you can see, that's far from what ultimately transpired. I do recall her encouraging us to drink quickly since others were waiting, but those requests just got drained out by the group's drunken outbursts and general obnoxiousness.



But eventually we ran out of vodka, and it came time to leave the ice bar. Oh well, on to the next stop.



We took a quick stop at this place where we got a bite to eat. Fortunately or unfortunately, the remainder of the night went unphotographed, but you can believe me when I tell you that the partying continued until the early morning. My wonderful wife-to-be (who just happens to know the president of Spearmint Rhino), even arranged for a limo to pick us up and take us out for some semi-clean gentlemanly entertainment. That's right, Ingrid arranged it. I knew right then, I was marrying the right person.



The next morning was not much different from the morning before. People were tired, some were hungover...



... and Glady was asleep on the floor. Most of the daytime too, was filled with similar activities to the previous day (i.e., drinking, gambling, drinking, eating and more drinking).



Later in the evening, my friends brought me to this wine bar. It's got a huge tower with tons of wine bottles, which coincidentally, is very similar to the wine tower in the venue for our wedding reception.



Glady took the liberty of making the wine selections.



And apparently thought of them quite highly, as did I. Cheers!



It was a great place to relax, re-energize and enjoy some fine wine. Great job, guys.



This picture was taken at around 4:00 in the morning, after yet even more gambling and more drinking. Although we were done with the gambling at that point, we weren't quite done with the drinking.



We hadn't eaten much that day and our appetites were raging. Frosty did us the favor of stopping by McDonald's to grab a bag full of double cheeseburgers from the dollar menu (after enjoying five or six himself) and we went to town on them. But get this... After everyone had seemingly had enough to eat, there was one cheeseburger remaining. Being the polite Asians that we are, nobody wanted to take the last cheeseburger even though I'm sure a few people would have liked to, including Frosty of course. Like the others, I usually leave the last item for someone else, but given that it was my bachelor party, I thought to myself, "I should eat that cheeseburger! I'm hungry and it's my f**king bachelor party!" and then moved the burger closer to me as to indicate to the others that I had claimed it for myself. Unbeknownst to me, however, Glady was lurking in the background and was eyeing the cheeseburger for himself. A few minutes had passed before I decided to eat the burger and realized that it was gone! I honestly couldn't have turned away for more than a few seconds in between the time I moved the burger closer to me and the time I turned around and saw Glady polishing off my burger! What a bastard. What a Gladburglar. And the antics of Glady's alter ego, the Gladburglar, had just begun...



Being one of my groomsmen and a good friend, I'll spare the Gladburglar some embarassment by limiting the pictures and videos I post here. But just so you know, what makes his behavior so entertaining (aside from the obvious) is that Glady is the last person anyone would expect to get plastered and belligerent. It was the most hilarious event of the entire weekend, and it was all caught on film.



First, the Gladburglar went to war with the ironing board, and after a long, drawn out battle, he emerged victorious. The Gladburglar has definitely got the eye of the tiger here! He looks crazy!



Then, he started dropping elbows on people, including my brother. There was a brief moment of tension when we were unclear how my brother was going to react, but luckily for the Gladburglar, he took it in stride.



Here's a video I took of him dropping some elbows. What I say in the video pretty much sums things up.



Here's another entertaining video of the Gladburglar. Just wait until the end. I love how he loses his balance and then transitions to an elbow drop.



After what seemed like hours of the Gladburglar running rampant, he finally tired out...



... and fell asleep on Frosty. Without his glasses, I'm sure the Gladburglar just thought Frosty was one giant pillow. Thanks for coming out, Gladburglar. We enjoyed having you and you're welcome to party with us at any time, but please leave that Glady guy at home.



The next day was our flight home, and I did my best to straighten up before going back home to my future wife.



As I mentioned before, bachelor parties can be dirty events and Lil Kev looks like he's enjoying this too much. Good thing that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas (except when the bachelor posts tons of pictures and videos on the internet). Thanks for a wonderful bachelor party, my little guys! I'll never forget it, and I'm sure none of you will either (except for Glady who may not remember the last night)!