We Want Birthday Jon!

I need to stop wearing this fuzzy coat. I've worn it in the past three posts. In any event, the other day we gathered at the Village Idiot to celebrate our very own village idiot's 31st birthday. Darren and I arrived with one goal in mind -- to get rid of Frosty and find Birthday Jon.



Yes, Darren, we all know that getting Birthday Jon to make an appearance is like pulling teeth, but that's why we just have to stay committed to making it happen. Let's do it!



Don't act all innocent, Lil' Kev... You have just as big a hand in this as we do.



Shortly after arriving, Frosty passed out these sheets so that we could play some dumbo game. The game was simple. The sheet had a bunch of unusual stories on it, and we were supposed to match the story with a person at the party. What a dumbo game, Frosty. Where the hell is Birthday Jon?



E.J. and Haji were clearly thrilled with Frosty's game. Hey, I know!... I've got a better game we can play. It's called "We Want Birthday Jon!"



Like Frosty's dumbo game, it's very simple. Here's how you play: You start off the game with each player taking a shot.



After that, we all order Frosty drinks until Birthday Jon shows up. Let's start with this huge shot...



... and follow that up with a vodka on the rocks. We Want Birthday Jon! We Want Birthday Jon!



That's right, Frosty. Stare those drinks down. We all want Birthday Jon, and the drinks will keep coming until we get him.



We'll even mix up the drink selection for you. Here's a White Russian you can sip on.



I hope you like it because there's another one where that came from.



We tried to pull the same salt-in-your drink gag on Frosty that we did two birthdays ago, but he saw it coming and knocked the salt everywhere. We'll just have to try again later in the night. The good news is that when you start seeing Frosty give the finger, you know Birthday Jon is just around the corner. We Want Birthday Jon! We Want Birthday Jon!



Somebody got Frosty some much needed One Drops to use when he handles his business, as well as a another much needed drink. There should be a special Ten Drop version of these for Frosty.



After catching glimpses of Birthday Jon emerging, Darren and I were confident that one more drink would do it, so we convinced Frosty to raise a glass in honor of his 31st birthday. As we predicted, we didn't have to wait long before we got a clear sign that Birthday Jon had arrived...



... the neckchops began. Lil' Kev was the first to receive a couple neckchops from Birthday Jon.



Among others, E.J. also was the lucky recipient of some friendly neckchops.



Man, I tell you, I really like hanging out with Birthday Jon. He really knows how to party. I wish we'd get more of him and less of Blowhard Jon. Even the waitress was clearly in agreement.



She even served him a shot of tequila for his birthday! Go Birthday Jon!



While Frosty was enjoying the waitress, someone took the opportunity to pour salt in Birthday Jon's drink. It's all good, so long as you don't throw salt in what little game he has.



Time to rehydrate, Birthday Jon. We don't want you hunched over the toilet like two years ago at Barney's Beanery...



... ummmm... No comment.



Whether we're dealing with Frosty or Birthday Jon, one thing never changes -- his appetite. And with a freshly emptied stomach, Birthday Jon was ready to eat. We were lucky food was still being served because the last thing we needed at that point was an unfed Birthday Jon on our hands.



Well, we wanted Birthday Jon and we certainly got him. Good times. We love you, Birthday Jon (and you too, Frosty). I'm sorry you were so drunk that you fell into the ashtray on your way out of the bar. Happy 31st Birthday!